Kickin' it in Chiang Mai

Bangkok was the ending point for half of our group. Mike, Dave, Rob, and Indhu all went their separate ways while the remaining members - Henry, Caryn, Giles, Charlotte, and yours truly - headed off to Chiang Mai to embark on a 3-day trek in Chiang Dao. We had one full day in Chiang Mai before our trek, so we hired a guide and a van for an afternoon to show us around.

Our first stop was a large wood carving factory where we watched the artists in action as they shaped large flat pieces of wood into incredible works of art.

In addition to reliefs (I hope I have my art terminology right) there were also sculptures and furniture for sale. One of my favorites was this sweet elephant chair and table set (see below).

Next we got a brief tour of a silk shop and learned about each stage of the silk making process from the birth of the silkworm to the final product.

But then I learned that all the silkworms used are killed in the process! I had naively assumed that silkworms were like sheep. Just like you don't kill sheep for their wool - they're just temporarily naked and cold until everything grows back - you don't have to sacrifice the lives of silkworms for their silk.

Knowing that tens of thousands are silkworms are cooked up to produce a scarf or shirt would evoke enough guilt in me to avoid buying any silk products. It's now officially on the "do not buy" list under leather and neon orange fox fur head wraps.

"Cooking" the silk.

Also on the itinerary were some temples.

Besides the usual buddha statues and monks expected at a place of prayer and worship, we discovered that temples also serve as a dumping ground for unwanted dogs. There were all kinds of dogs -- big, small, young, old, scruffy, and preened -- that hang out and basically run the joint. Most of them just lay around and nap all day, but when it's feeding time - oh boy! The whole place becomes a frenetic swirl of ecstatic yelps and doggie fur.

And I love how they were fed rice porridge each on a separate plate. Despite there being over two dozen pooches, they were impressively disciplined and even orderly about being fed. Well, except for the naughty puppies. They attempted to climb into the tall plastic pails every time the lunch lady turned her back. It was too cute.

Puppy stealing some rice porridge

In the evening, Henry and Caryn wanted to get massages so I tagged along not knowing that I was walking into the massage parlor of doom. I requested for the massage to focus on my neck and shoulders because that was the only part of my body that felt really tight, but hot damn, I had no idea that I was going to get the life worked out of me. The masseuse was like an acrobat practicing her moves using me as a prop. At one point, she was pushing so hard into my left shoulder blade that I groaned and almost lost consciousness. I tried to speak but no words could come out of my mouth. When she stopped I almost passed out again - this time from euphoria. Then this lady rested her knees on my rear end and - I swear I'm not making this up - started riding it in a forward-backward motion. While not at all painful, it felt so wrong and envisioning what this would have looked like to someone watching, I almost let out an embarrassed giggle.

And then! (yes there's more), the masseuse, using both her legs and arms, grabbed my legs and arms and twisted them in directions that I never thought was humanly possible. She held my limbs in whatever undignified position they were in and pushed my body against the mat. As I laid helpless with my face pressed uncomfortably against the pillow, I tried to make eye contact with Caryn who was next to me, hoping that my eyes could magically shoot mini distress flares her way, but she looked too blissed out to pay any attention.

Finally, the masseuse dropped my lifeless lower body to the floor and sat down behind my head and placed my head in her lap. I had gotten a massage previously, at the resort in Phuket, and when that masseuse massaged (and by "massaged" I really mean "squeezed") my head, it was more painful than pleasurable. So you could imagine the fear that flooded my body when this lady placed her hands on my temples, but to my surprise, this part was so gentle and soothing that I actually fell asleep half way through.

When it was all over, I had sore and slightly bruised shoulders for days but no remnants of a knot anywhere on my body. Man, what an unforgettable, crazy ass massage!

Man who walks through airport turnstile sideways...

...is going to Bangkok.

I've known that joke long before I could even find Bangkok on a map, but let us not dwell on this little fact.

After a two week fun-filled roadtrip through Oz land with Lin, I have returned to the cooler and drier climate of Adelaide. Before I get to the juicy details of that trip, I'll try to finish telling you about my time in SEA.

Soon after the sea kayaking expedition in Phuket, we spent three and a half days in Bangkok. On the night we flew in, we had dinner at Cabbages and Condoms, a restaurant whose food is "guaranteed not to cause pregnancy." Male diners even have the added bonus of receiving a free vasectomy at the clinic next door if they so desire. I, however, was happy just to get free internet while waiting for my entree.

Besides not getting pregnant in Bangkok, I also played pick-up with some locals. I didn't bother to bring my cleats for one day of Ultimate on a month long trip, but during that one hour of playing, I definitely wished that I had. The most exercise I got in Bangkok, however, was the leisurely stroll turned four hour trek from the city centre to the railway station with Henry, Caryn, and Indhu on the second day. The lesson learned from that activity? You can't assume that tourist maps are always drawn to size.

Indhu, Caryn, and Henry mapping the 'quickest' route to the train station. Little did we know then that that would be useless...

To enrich ourselves of Thai culture, we also visited the Grand Palace:

One photo amongst many taken of the Palace

and Wat Pho - the Reclining Buddha (see below):

And if you are too lazy or faced with time/budgetary constraints, you can visit Ancient City in Pattaya, about an hour outside of Bangkok, which is a huge park featuring miniature replicas of major landmarks and other buildings that exist or used to exist in Thailand.

My feelings of visiting Ancient City are mixed. I suppose if you actually knew what you were going to see, it could be an entirely positive experience, especially since it does provide a nice overview of what you could see throughout all of Thailand or what you could have seen if you had only shown up a couple of centuries sooner. However, we thought we were going on a tour of the ancient city of Ayutthaya (also known as Siam) -- a real city -- that was destroyed by the Burmese in the 1700s and later rebuilt near the old site. So keeping that in mind, when I got to "Ancient City" I felt a bit cheated. It's kind of like going to Hollywood expecting to meet cool celebrities only to discover that you've somehow ended up at Madame Tussaud's wax museum instead. I don't care how real Whoopi's dreads look in wax form, it won't float my boat unless it's the real thang, ya know?

Well, I'm not sure how all of this got lost in translation at the tour agency, but our utter confusion upon entering the park was entertaining enough to me that it made getting up at the crack of dawn and dragging my tired, whiny butt over there almost worthwhile.

A miniature temple "ruin"

Group photo atop ruin pictured above

Click here for more photos of Bangkok.

Kayaking with John Gray's Sea Canoe

In the last two days we were in Phuket, we went sea kayaking around Phang Nga Bay with John Gray's Sea Canoe, an ecotour company. We explored hongs which are inland lagoons and caves and circumnavigated tiny islands in the bay by ocean kayak. We saw mangroves, monkeys, birds, and other wildlife. I also witnessed the bioluminescence of plankton at night which can be created from disturbing the water with your hand or oar. It's hard to describe but the sparkles in the water made the entire experience seem magical.


On the first night, we constructed kratongs and learned a little bit about the Loi Kratong festival. Kratongs are small floating "lanterns" constructed from the trunk of a banana tree and decorated with folded banana leaves, flowers, candles, and incense sticks. After we made them, we waited until dark before taking our sea kayaks into a hong to float them on the water.

Some kratongs

Before nightfall, the crew set up tents on a tiny island in the bay where we camped on the beach underneath the stars. The next morning we watched the sunrise with a cup of hot tea and coffee.

Sunrise on the beach

John Gray's crew was knowledgeable about the ecology of Phang Nga Bay and provided superb service. And with a tour group leader nicknamed "Beer," how can you possibly go wrong? I highly recommend this company for anyone traveling to Phuket.

Click here for more photos of Phuket.

Phuket Thai Cookery School

On our fourth day in Phuket, Ian, Indhu, Caryn, Giles, and I signed up for a half day cooking class at the Phuket Thai Cookery School. We were picked up from our hotel early in the morning and taken to a beautiful private beach on Sirey Island near Phuket Town. The five hour class consisted entirely of learning to cook and eating six dishes including dessert. It was easily one of my favorite activities from my entire SEA trip.

When we arrived, we met six other students, one of whom had already topped off two or three beers while waiting and was completely wasted at 8:30 in the morning. He introduced himself as Roger from Sweden, and accompanying him was his friend, a non-English speaking Swede who, funny enough, bore a striking resemblance to Robin Williams.

Noi, our instructor, gave us cookery garb (an apron and cap) and led us to the classroom where she presented to us a variety of Thai ingredients which included vegetables, herbs, and sauces. Every time Noi held up a new item to show, Roger would rudely interrupt by loudly telling the class that his friend needed him to translate. So we'd sit in silence and wait for Roger to bring Robin Williams up to speed who, as far as I could tell, looked like he couldn't care less about what was happening. We'd know Roger was finished when he would turn toward Noi, and ironically, position his hands into the mudra of respect and say, in a grave tone, "Respect." Roger's class clown antics continued until the school ran out of beer and he finally passed out half way through the class to everyone's relief.

For each dish we made, Noi first demonstrated the steps at her cooking station while the rest of us studiously watched and took notes (I just sat and salivated). Then we headed to our individual cooking stations and attempted to mimic her culinary awesomeness on our own.

The Venerable Chef - Noi

The first dish we tackled was Kwithiaw Kua Kai, or as we Americans like to call it, saute chicken with rice noodles. Since Indhu, Caryn, and I are vegetarian, we used mock meats and tofu instead (a much better choice I'd say). Despite the fool proof set up and instructions, I managed to screw up at step 3. I minced a clove of garlic, heated some vegetable oil in the wok, and then proceeded to burn the garlic. Well, that created a stir amongst Noi's assistants who scrambled to find me another wok and clove of garlic as I stood helpless with my idle spatula in hand.

Noi walked over to my station to check on all the commotion and clucked when she saw the brown garlic floating shamelessly in the hot oil. With a glint of evil glee in her eye, she lifted the wok off the stove top and asked me, "What is your name?"

Thinking she was going to scold me in front of the entire class, I answered, "Uh... Indhu."

But Noi just took the wok away. I could hear a lot of giggling from the group of assistants standing in the other corner of the room. One of them came over with a new wok and held my hand (in the metaphorical sense) while I tried again. No conflagrations or other culinary mishaps to speak of the second time. And you know what? It was the best freakin' Kwithiaw Kua Kai I've ever tasted, if I should say so myself. Not bad for a "D" student!

We also whipped up:
Som Tam - Papaya salad
Tom Yam Goong - Thai hot and sour prawn (tofu) soup
Kaeng Kiew Wan Kai - Green curry with mock chicken
Pad Pak Ruam - Stir-fried mixed vegetables
Khao Niew Mamuang - Mango with coconut sticky rice!

Papaya Salad

All were delicious (even the ones I made, ok) and it was incredible to be able to distinguish the flavor of each ingredient. By the end, I had so thoroughly stuffed myself with food that I could barely lift myself out of my chair. Now that's a good day.

Chowing down on some tasty Thai goodness

Patong - Land of Old White Men

First stop: Phuket, Thailand

A week before our departure, Jetstar changed our flight from Adelaide to Sydney from 10am to 6am, which meant we had a five hour layover before our connecting flight to Phuket. However, the e-mail I received listed "HKT" as the final destination. When I read it, my immediate thought was that Jetstar had rerouted our flight to Hong Kong instead of Phuket. So for an entire day, I lambasted myself for choosing a low cost carrier and got myself (and Indhu) into a worried frenzy until I finally got on the phone with a customer representative who calmly assured me that "HKT" was really the Phuket international airport and not Hong Kong.

To ensure that we didn't miss our flight, Indhu and I got to the airport by 4:45am and were sitting at our gate by 4:52am. With nothing to do because I hadn't brought any reading material, I pulled out a box of cherries to snack on, while Indhu, who hadn't packed until a mere two hours earlier and was a little too drunk to recall what she brought, opened her backpack to review its contents. In it was one tennis shoe. She couldn't remember if she had packed the other one.

Off to a great start, we sat in a drunken stupor until we arrived in Sydney. The time spent in the airport was unremarkable as was the flight to Phuket except that it was uncomfortably cold the entire time. When I asked for a blanket I was told that I could purchase a blanket and pillow set for only nine dollars, which I refused to pay on principle. I have no doubt that Jetstar keeps the temperature on their airplanes inhumanely cold on purpose to sell their blankets to poor suckers like me who get cold even at room temperature.

After we arrived in Phuket, we had to find our way to Le Meridien, the five-star resort that my friend Henry booked (yeah, we like to vacation in the lap of luxury). We got into a large taxi van with a group of drunken Aussies who had spent a fortune on alcohol on the same flight over from Sydney. Half way to our hotels, the van abruptly turns off the road and pulls up in front of an open store. As Indhu and I were trying to figure out what was happening, one of the Aussies sitting next to me starts yelling at the driver, "Oh no! I know what you're doing! We don't want any! We just want to get to our hotel!" and then turns to the both of us and says, "They do this all the time. They pull over and try to sell you tours or lady boys."

Perhaps on a different night I would have been more intrigued by "lady boy" action, but having just stepped onto a foreign land after being strapped to an airplane seat for nine hours, I just wanted to get to a hotel and a bed. We all protested loudly and refused to get out of the van until the driver finally heaved a sigh and pulled back onto the road. The rest of the ride was lady boy-free and we checked into Le Meridien without a hitch. We were welcomed with an orchid lei, a hot towel, and fresh lychee juice. Life was suddenly good again.

Le Meridien

All my other friends were on a diving trip and Caryn and Giles hadn't yet arrived in Phuket, so Indhu and I were on our own the next day. We explored Patong which was nothing but endless rows of bars, restaurants, and stalls selling every name brand knock off good imaginable. It was a tourist wasteland and Patong being my first experience in Thailand, I was sorely disappointed by what I saw. The little beach town catered entirely to predominantly European and Australian tourists and was devoid of any culture. During the day, old men in speedos played bocchi on the beach.

Old men playing bocchi

At night, Patong transformed into a seedy red light district teeming with young Thai prostitutes and old white men looking for "companionship." Witnessing this was both fascinating and revolting, much like watching a train wreck.

We eventually met up with Ian and then Caryn who flew in from Bangkok. Ian had read in his Lonely Planet guidebook of an "absurdly beautiful" remote beach called Laem Sing in the north so we headed there the following day on Sunday. While the beach was indeed beautiful, I think Lonely Planet likes to exaggerate with bombastic language. We spent a lazy afternoon baking on the beach and both Ian and Indhu drank potent alcoholic drinks out of absurdly large coconut shells.

Ian, your typical beach bunny

I'm baaaaack!

I have returned to Adelaide from - as Lesley calls it - my epic adventure in South East Asia (SEA). I brought back with me an uneven tan, a few extra pounds, some new clothes, and lots of stories and photos to share with you all. It was quite the productive trip - I hit the beaches of Phuket, sea kayaked in Phang Nga Bay, took a Thai cooking class, played Ultimate in Bangkok, trekked through Chiang Dao, explored caves, rode an elephant, and almost got married off in some village. And that was all just in Thailand!

Before I delve into the details of the SEA experience, I had mentioned in a previous post that I'll be doing more traveling in January. Just before coming back to Adelaide, Lin and I made a plan to see more of Oz. In two days I will be flying out to Sydney to meet up with Lin and we're going to spend two weeks roadtripping along the coast up to Cairns. So if my blog entries mysteriously stop part way it's because I ran out of time and had to leave for my trip. I'll continue when I get back!

So grab a cup of your beverage of choice, sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.