I'm Not Dead (But the Humans Are)

Hi.

Is anyone out there?

It feels a little awkward to be blogging after such a long hiatus. Then again, with a readership of three, does it really matter?

Since it would take nothing short of a miracle to finish recounting my New Zealand trip in gory detail, let's just pretend the rest of the trip didn't happen and begin anew with a Reader's Digest version of some highlights of my life since May.

Because my life tends to revolve around Ultimate, I'll start there. After losing in fall league finals last year, my B league team were finally crowned champions of spring league this year. In case you couldn't tell, we're kind of a big deal now.

Following spring league, my Wildwood team went on to demonstrate our frisbee prowess on sand by winning one of the 2-2 beer brackets. In full disclosure, we probably spent more time celebrating our victory (as shown by the multitude of photographs on Facebook that captured us taking turns drinking beer out of our trophy as if it were a golden chalice) than actually playing the finals game, which ended prematurely when it started to rain and our opponent decided they didn't want to get wet.

Celebratory drink

In the world of high stakes Ultimate, my club team, BRDM, seeded 12th out of 16 going into Regionals, fought our way to the second day, placing 6th overall. That didn't get us to Nationals, but it was a good showing in a region that has grown considerably stronger since the previous year. This is evidenced by the impressive performance of two teams from our region - Axis of C'ville who won mixed Nationals and Amp who took 5th place.

A lot has been happened outside of Ultimate as well. Most notably, I welcomed a new niece into the world on September 17. Like her older sister (Ella) and auntie (me) before her, little Lola came out with a full head of hair and a hearty yowl. And like her older sister (Ella) and auntie (me), she is also irresistibly cute and utterly adorable. I am not at all biased when I say this. But don't take my word for it. See for yourself:

Presenting Lola!

In other news, I turned 21 for the fifth time last month. I also recently passed my two year mark at my job. I celebrated this milestone by replenishing my stock of post-it notes and sniffing some sharpies in the dark recesses of my windowless cave of an office. I'm really living it up as a white-collar professional here.

A couple of weekends ago, Deb came to visit and we revived our old college tradition of doing a Halloween costume together. The last time we followed tradition was [gasp] seven years ago! (Holy crap, we're old.) This year, we went as robots in the Flight of the Conchords' "Robot Song (The Humans are Dead)" video.

We like to do the robo-boogie

We did not realize until after we arrived at our Halloween party destination that eating and drinking while in costume was not feasible as our arms were unable to maneuver around the boxes and reach our mouths. Our distress was soon alleviated, however, when the hosts of the party - who were dressed as Phil and Lil from the Rugrats - offered Deb and me baby bottles from which we could drink our beverages. It was all good until the Red Queen from Alice in Wonderland (a.k.a. drunk Paul P.) showed up and exploited this vulnerability by squirting whipped cream on my face. In my feeble attempts to defend myself, I ended up just frantically waving my shortened arms in circles and squealing like a newborn babe while he howled in delight. It was not the most dignified of moments.

To wrap up this entry, I am announcing my next big adventure. I'll be heading down to Patagonia in South America at the end of December with some of the same rascals from the NZ trip. We're still in the midst of planning logistics but details on the trip will come in subsequent blog posts (that's the plan anyway).

Show me some love and leave a comment!

NZ - South Island - Part 3

It has been over two months since I came back from NZ and I have only managed to blog about the first three days of my trip. For those of you who have been sitting on the edge of your seats for the past month (i.e. Jesskwan) and wondering what happened on Days 4 through 17 -- my bad. I hope this entry and those to come are worth the wait.

And without further delay, I continue.

Day 4 was to be the first day of a three-day hike on the Kepler Track, a circular 37 mile trail through Fiordland National Park. We were so eager to get started that we almost missed our opportunity entirely.

NZ fact #5: Overnight hiking in New Zealand generally requires reservations. Outdoor camping along the trails is not permitted. Hikers who intend to trek overnight must stay in huts that are maintained by the park service. And in order to stay in huts, hikers must reserve beds on particular dates. Doing so allows the park service to control the traffic on these trails (a very smart idea).

Popular hikes like the Kepler tend to fill up many months in advance. The track we had originally wanted to do, Milford Track, was fully booked by December. In other words, aside from our flights, the Kepler - once booked - was the only non-flexible scheduled activity on our itinerary.

Travel tip #5: Book early, plan ahead, and don't let Larry fill the gas tank.

We had gone grocery shopping and packed our hiking packs the night before in preparation for an early start. We wanted to be at the trailhead no later than 11am with an ideal start at 9am or 10am for a 6 hour hike on the first day. The drive between Queenstown and the trailhead in Te Anau takes about two hours so we aimed to leave the RV park at 7am.

At a little after 7am everyone was still asleep. Except for Larry. He was raring to go! Before any of the rest of us had registered that it was morning, Larry was already sitting in the driver's seat of the RV with the car keys in the ignition. We got the hint. Sarah and I dragged ourselves out of our bed and converted the area back to the "kitchen." LT hopped into the front passenger seat. Within minutes, we were on our way out of Queenstown.

We left the RV park a little later than planned but we were on schedule to make it to the trailhead long before 11am. Or so we thought. Upon leaving city limits, Larry stopped at the gas station to fuel up for the drive. As Larry got out of the RV, Henry called out to him, "Make sure you get diesel!"

While Larry took care of the fueling, I stumbled into the quickie mart to forage for breakfast. Armed with a vegetable pie and bottle of orange juice, I came back to the RV a little more excited for the day. That is, until I noticed Larry’s grim face. I asked LT what had happened.

“Larry put gasoline in the diesel tank.”

D’oh.

Apparently in the US, diesel is marked by a green handle and has a different shaped nozzle. In NZ, gasoline is marked by a green handle and the nozzles for gas and diesel are the same shape. So Larry, in a rush to fuel up and hit the road, failed to inspect the pumps (even though the diesel pump was clearly marked “diesel” on the handle) and only realized it after he had filled half the tank with gasoline and was paying for it.

It also happened to be early morning on Easter Sunday. The auto mechanic across the road was not open. We didn’t know if it was going to open at all that day. With the help of a gas station employee, we pushed our RV to the side of the quickie mart to figure out what to do next. Instead of forging ahead and taking the risk of having our gas tank blow up, we decided to try calling our RV rental company and nearby mechanics. It seemed like we had picked the worst possible day to become stranded somewhere in need of mechanical help. While Larry made calls, the rest of us distracted ourselves from the thought of missing out on the Kepler Track with postcard writing, games, and quickie mart perusing. Fortunately, after several calls, we were eventually able to get in touch with a mechanic who, for a sizeable chunk of change, agreed to come and remove the gasoline out of our tank. Yay for Dave the mechanic!

Dave from Stewart Motors bailing out some silly tourists

Nearly four hours after we left the RV park, we were finally on our way to Te Anau. We arrived at the trailhead at approximately 1pm. With a long, uphill hike ahead of us and only several hours before dusk, we wasted very little time in hitting the dusty trail.

At the Kepler Track trailhead

Gear tip #1: Do not buy a North Face hydration pack, it sucks. Stick with the trusted brand of Camelbak.

Within the first 15 minutes of hiking, I felt a suspiciously cold wetness on my lower back. I removed my hiking pack to find that my hydration pack had leaked. Fortunately, I caught it early enough that there was still plenty of water in the bladder, and transferred it from the back of my hiking pack to the front pocket.

Aside from the leaky bladder mishap, the rest of the trek went smoothly. The weather was perfect – clear, sunny, and cool. The views at the top near the Luxmore Hut where we were to stay the first night were beautiful. We even made it to the hut before dark, completing the 6 hour trek in 4.5 hours. We hauled ass up that trail.

View right before getting to Luxmore Hut

We were one of the last groups to arrive at Luxmore. Many people had already begun cooking dinner or were already finishing up. We claimed some empty bunk beds, unloaded our packs, and headed for the kitchen.

NZ fact #6: NZ is one of the few remaining places in the world where you can safely drink the fresh water without filtering or boiling it first. It tastes pretty good too.

The huts provide running water, stove burners, and lights in the kitchen area. There are communal bathrooms but no showers. Hikers must supply their own cookware and utensils. LT brought along her camping pot and knife, and we made rice with peppers and onions. Food never tasted so good. We chatted for a little bit, waited for the park ranger to make his little spiel about rules, and then got ready for bed.


To be continued…

NZ - South Island - Part 2

Day 3: We had only a day planned in Queenstown, and being that we were in the "Adventure Capital of the World," we knew we couldn't leave without participating in at least one heart-racing, stomach churning activity.

Queenstown

We spent the early morning walking around town, browsing various outdoor gear and clothing stores, and strolling through an arts and crafts market. By 11am, the boys' patience for shopping had worn thin. Eager to hurl themselves off a cliff, Larry and Henry headed off to a tour booking center to learn more about the myriad of near-death experiences while I waited for LT and Sarah to finish up their souvenir shopping.

At the internet/booking center, we perused a wall of brochures that advertised everything from mountain biking and fly fishing to bungy jumping and canyon swinging. Sarah wanted to go sky diving. Larry and LT wanted to go canyon swinging or bungy jumping. Henry wanted to try paragliding. And what did I want to do? I wanted to check my e-mail.

NZ travel tip #4: Book activities early, at least a day in advance, if possible.

When we inquired about availability, however, there were not enough spots for Larry and LT to go canyon swinging. Sky diving took too much time and it was too windy for paragliding.

"Bummer," I lamented with a small hint of glee.

What was available was the shotover canyon jet boat ride so we signed up for that. What is jet boating, you ask? Why, it's "the world's most exciting boat ride," of course! The Shotover Jet company website provides an amusing, more detailed description:

"From the moment the accelerator hits the floor your adrenaline hits the roof as you speed in mere centimetres of water along the famous Shotover River and deep into the spectacular Shotover River Canyons. ...Rock faces blur in your peripheral vision, the opaque water sprays into myriads of white crystals with every turn, and you grip the hand rail for comfort and reassurance and then let out a whoop of excitement as your driver spins the boat around in its own boat length — wow, you've just experienced the World famous Shotover Jet full 360-degree spin. Hold on tight and enjoy the thrill as you spin and without losing momentum keep speeding along the river."

But wait, there's more!

"The best thing of all… this is actually good for you. Studies have shown a good thrill livens up your system, waking up dormant biochemical pathways that refresh, relieve stress and heal. You experience a sense of euphoria and well being as your brain receives a welcome cocktail of oxygen, sugar, adrenaline, cortisol and endorphins. The result — a natural high that makes you feel great! It’s our own unique and exclusive form of Jet Boat therapy, we call it Thrill Therapy and we've been prescribing it since 1970 — a good healthy dose of adrenaline to get you feeling alive!"

We were too cheap to pay for the "professional" photos taken of us but the photo below is a pretty accurate representation of what we looked like during the world's most exciting boat ride.

I enjoyed jet boating quite a bit. I'm a lazy thrill-seeker. The less I physically have to do to get my adrenaline flowing, the better. And all that jet boating required was for me to wear a smelly rain poncho and sit on my ass for half an hour.

Upon returning to Queenstown, we ate a massive meal at Fergburger (their website is worth a quick peek). While the others each ate half a cow for lunch, I went with the more veggie-friendly but similarly heavy "Bun Laden" -- falafel patties dressed with a lemon yogurt and chipotle chili sauce, lettuce, tomato, red onion, cucumber, avocado, and aioli.


Before food coma could set in, we ambled over to the skyline gondola to check out the scenic viewpoint overlooking Queenstown and go luging - or as Sarah excitedly called it: "lubing." I'm not sure if what Sarah had in mind was the same thing or not; we didn't really want to know (though I'm sure either would have been equally fun).

View at the top

LT wooshing by on the luge!

We ended the day with grocery shopping in preparation for our 3-day hike on the Kepler track the following day.


To be continued...

NZ - South Island - Part 1

On April 7, Henry, LT, Sarah, Larry, and I met up in Los Angeles for our flight to Auckland. Having only had a few hours of sleep the night before, I spent the majority of the twelve hour flight unconscious, waking up only for meals. I attempted to watch "Marley & Me" but fell asleep part way through. If cute puppies and attractive actors couldn't keep me awake, it clearly was not a very good movie. Every time I woke up and looked at the brightly lit screen in front of me, Owen Wilson was busy chasing after a frisky pooch around the house (and I don't mean Jennifer Aniston).

Travel tip #1: During a long flight, if you plan to sleep for several consecutive hours on the plane, do not take your shoes off if you don't want to look like you have softballs for ankles for a good day or two afterward.

When we landed in Auckland, we went through customs where Sarah fretted over whether she should declare the 5-lb bag of almonds and 3-lb container of raisins she brought with her for the trip. We wondered why her bags were so ridiculously heavy, and we naturally drew the conclusion that Sarah didn't think there would be anything to eat in New Zealand so she had to bring her own food.

She did not declare them and went through customs without a problem, but we did lose Larry for a brief while when his bags were whisked away to be inspected (Asians must look sketchier than redheads). When the group reconvened, we ventured over to the domestic terminal to board our flight to Christchurch on the South Island.

Henry, Sarah, Larry, LT, Me

Travel tip #2: If you are checking bags for multiple flights all at once, make sure that after you retrieve your bag from your international flight you do not remove the airline destination tags from that bag before checking it on your connecting flight.

LT inadvertently removed her tags on her hiking pack before placing them on the conveyor belt at the check-in counter, which the airline employee failed to notice. Her bag never made it on our flight to Christchurch, but fortunately, LT sorted it out and her bag was eventually dropped her off at our hotel by the end of the day.

Before heading into the city center, we decided to visit the International Antarctic Centre located right by the airport -- our first sightseeing, touristy experience! LT had always wanted to visit Antarctica and this center touted a "powerful, exciting, and interactive" experience of Antarctica. It sounded promising enough; the center brochure even boasted about the center being voted NZ's best attraction, twice!

Upon seeing the exorbitant admission prices, however, any initial excitement I felt quickly waned. I did not want to pay $48 NZ ($30 USD) to stand in a room and "interact" with snow, wind, and ice. I grew up in the northeast, I know what it's like to feel cold, and I felt no desire to fly half way around the world to pay to be blown around in a wind tunnel.

LT and Larry decided to do it anyway, so Henry, Sarah, and I ate almonds and tossed the frisbee outside while we waited for them. When they came out, we asked them how it was. Let's just say the $48 NZ was better spent on something other than NZ's "best" attraction.

Travel tip #3: Do not bother with the International Antarctic Centre in Christchurch. Eat almonds and toss the frisbee instead if given the option.

NZ fact #1: Christchurch is the largest city on the South Island with a population of approximately 600,000.

Our plan was to spend the day touring the city before picking up our RV the next day. After lunch, we visited a cathedral, checked out an arts center, walked through a botanic garden, and then took a bus out of the city to ride a gondola up to a very scenic overlook.

View at the top of the gondola

By late afternoon, jet lag started to hit me big time. The urge to sleep was trumped only by the desire to eat, so we dined at an excellent Indian restaurant in town before retreating to our accommodations. I fell asleep as soon as I climbed into bed at 9pm.

Day 2: At around 6am, Henry decided he wanted to go for a run and he made sure we were all up to join him. So all of us except for Larry jogged to the botanic garden where Sarah led us with a killer quad/hamstring workout. I'm not sure why we were so zealous about working out on vacation, but we ended up doing a gazillion sets of lunges, star jumps, squats, push ups, and tricep dips. Little did I know then that I would be crippled for two days after that workout, right for the start of the hardest multi-day hike of our trip!

After showering and grabbing breakfast at Joe's Garage, we called a cab to the RV company where we picked up our sweet RV. While the guys worked out the contract details in the office, the ladies took a tour of our home for the next two weeks.

We present to you, our RV!

And then we were off! As we zipped along in our RV, we saw many sheep and cows dotting the rural landscape.

NZ fact #2: NZ has a human population of approximately 4 million.

NZ fact #3: NZ has a sheep population of approximately 40 million.

There were sheep and more sheep, cows and more cows, and then... deer? What the heck? I thought I was seeing imaginary deer by the side of the road. Turns out, they were not so imaginary.

NZ fact #4: Deer are not native to NZ. They were introduced - along with many other non-native animal and plant species - back in the 1950s. Currently, NZ is a large exporter of venison to European countries like Germany.

We made it to our first natural wonders attraction just before dusk - the Moeraki Boulders - which are unusually large and spherical rocks on a beach.

Some Moeraki Boulders

After scrambling up the boulders and snapping some photos, we continued on our merry way to Queenstown, a place known for where adrenaline junkies get their fix of heart-stopping thrills.



To be continued...

Prelude to Kiwi Adventures

I have somehow failed to post any entries in April. I suppose that I'm no longer the dedicated blogger that I used to be.

Okay, who am I kidding, I was never a prolific blogger, but at least for the month of April, I had a good excuse for not posting. One reason being Fools Fest (organizing and attending) and the other being that I was in New Zealand for two and a half weeks.

Fools Fest - a reunion tournament for Whiptail alums - was a blast. The weather was shockingly pleasant (for that time of year) and our team had the good fortune of first round byes for the first two days. Never mind that we did not win a single game or that the alum jerseys that we ordered never showed up. We were the hottest losers there even without matching shirts! And unlike the Trouble in Vegas debacle where the alum team was the only women's team at the tournament, we actually had the opportunity to play other women's teams at Fools, which was a huge step up for us. In true Whiptail fashion, it was a weekend filled with lap dances, booze, and hot girls like your mom. Oh, and ultimate.

And a mere 36 hours after the tournament, I boarded the first of four flights to embark on an epic 17-day adventure in the faraway magical land of kiwi people, kiwi birds, and kiwi fruit (of two varieties!). Where there are ultimate players and an RV, how can there not be adventure? Or at least a good story or two?

Kayaking, hiking, gondola-riding, weka-bird chasing, luging (or "lubing" as Sarah mistakenly likes to call it), elbow-licking, sleep-yelling, and double dessert eating and push up challenges were some of the more memorable events of the trip. This post is a just a taste of what's to come, so stay tuned!

Only in Australia...

Australian Wrestles Kangaroo From Family Home
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

CANBERRA, Australia (AP) -- When a dark intruder smashed through his bedroom window and repeatedly bounced on his bed, Beat Ettlin at first was relieved to discover it was a kangaroo. ''My initial thought when I was half awake was, 'It's a lunatic ninja coming through the window,''' the 42-year-old told The Associated Press on Monday. ''It seems about as likely as a kangaroo breaking in.''

But his relief was short-lived. As Ettlin cowered beneath the sheets with his wife and 9-year-old daughter at 2 a.m. Sunday, the frantic kangaroo bounded into the bedroom of his 10-year-old son Leighton Beman, who screamed, ''There's a 'roo in my room!''

''I thought, 'This can be really dangerous for the whole family now,''' Ettlin said.

The ordeal played out over a few minutes in the family's house in Garran, an upmarket suburb in the leafy national capital of Canberra.

Ettlin, a chef originally from the Swiss city of Stans, said he jumped the 90 pound (40 kilogram) marsupial from behind and pinned it to the floor. He grabbed it in a headlock and wrestled the trashing and bleeding intruder into a hallway, toward the front door.

He used a single, fumbling hand to open the front door and shoved the kangaroo into the night.

''I had just my Bonds undies on. I felt vulnerable,'' he said, referring to a popular Australian underwear brand.

The kangaroo, which Ettlin said was around his height, 5 foot 9 inches (176 centimeters), left claw gouges in the wooden frame of the master bed and a trail of blood through the house. The animal was cut when it came crashing through the bedroom window.

Ettlin, who had scratch marks on his leg and buttocks and was left wearing only his shredded underpants, described himself as ''lucky.''

The kangaroo vanished into a nearby forest from where it likely came. Wildlife authorities confirmed Monday they had received a phone call saying an injured kangaroo had entered the caller's home and left.

Greg Baxter, a Queensland University lecturer on Australian native animals, said kangaroos rarely invade homes but have done so in the past when panicked.

''It is very unusual, but when kangaroos become panicked, they lose all sense of caution and just fly for where they think they can get away,'' Baxter said.

Eastern gray kangaroos are common around Canberra's forested urban fringe. They are so numerous at one defense department site in the city that officials want to cull hundreds of the animals to stop them ruining the habitat.

Although it had been a harrowing experience, Ettlin's wife could see the funny side.

''I think he's a hero: a hero in Bonds undies,'' Verity Beman, 39, said of her husband.

The Best Job in the World

Why I heart Australia, reason # 317:

Australia is going to pay one lucky individual $100,000 (USD) to laze around Hamilton Island (up in Queensland) for six months and blog about his/her experience to promote the tourist destination on the web. Check out the article.

The application deadline is Feb 22, and the job begins on July 1. Check out the website for more details.

Who wants to help me put together an application??

Season's Greetings

This being the last post of 2008, I wanted to spread some holiday cheer - as much as I can muster anyway - to my readers, even the random, creepy stalker types (you know who you are). I'm not sure where this year has gone, but one thing is for certain - it is mere hours from being officially over.

So good-bye 2008, and may 2009 bring us considerable joy, ample success, exuberant health, new discoveries, rich experiences, lavish indulgences, bountiful feasts, abundant laughter, and copious copiousness!

Not to mention adequate warmth and appropriate winter gear.

(Pictured above: One sexy mama)

Happy New Year!

Where are them nuts?

Our economy is in such poor shape that even the squirrels are experiencing a recession. For some mysterious reason, pockets of eastern states including northern Virginia, Maryland, and Pennsylvania have experienced zero acorn production this season. While I can't explain the absence of acorns, the shortage is probably the reason behind why, over the course of three days, a medium sized pumpkin (that Ella had painted blue) placed outside our front door was completely disemboweled, leaving just a few remnants of seeds and limp stringy shreds strewn in a heap on our front steps.

It was an alarming sight. The claw marks on the pumpkin showed the sign of crazed desperation.

Who - or what - would eat a yucky blue pumpkin?

Suspect #1:
Ella aka Peter the Pumpkin Eater?

Ok, probably not.

Suspect #2:
Our cat had been a very bad kitty earlier this year, and my sister, fed up with having to deal with his pooping in inappropriate places, exiled him from the house to mostly fend for himself. For the past six months, he has been sleeping in a little enclosed cat bed on the outside porch where we also put his food and water. Over time leaving food outside has attracted other pests to compete with him for his "meaty bits gourmet grill" and I sometimes worry that he doesn't have enough to eat.

One day as I was inspecting our ravaged pumpkin, the cat came over to me and gave me an expectant look ("Is it meaty bits time?"). I eyed him suspiciously, bent down, stuck my finger out, and poked his nose.

"Have you been eating our pumpkin?" I asked accusingly.

"Meow?" ("What did I do now?")

Was he so hungry that he had spent the entire night gnawing away at this thing? It was possible, but I somehow didn't think so. He is too much of a food snob to go for an acrylic covered pumpkin.

My next thought was that it was the doing of a raccoon or possum, but it never occurred to me to suspect the innocent looking gray squirrels whose nimble acrobatics I sometimes watch from the window of the second floor bathroom.

I wish I had taken a picture of the pumpkin before its remnants were eventually thrown away, but below is what I imagine the culprit squirrel to have looked like after its hefty meal:

At least one squirrel won't starve this winter. I'm glad that I could be a good Samaritan to a neighborhood critter or two (or dozen) during this difficult time.

Yays and Boos

November has been a month of highs and lows.

First, the serious stuff:

Yay: After two elections and eight long horrendous years, Americans have finally realized that voting for an “average Joe” with misplaced priorities has hurt the country more than it has helped it. There are many reasons to celebrate Barack Obama’s win; for me, it is less about electing the country’s first African American as president than it is about finally electing someone who possesses intellectual curiosity, integrity, and openness to complexity and diversity of opinion. And beautiful ears.

Yay: Sarah Palin is not the next vice-president of the United States. I am so much more afraid of Palin in the White House than I am of Putin rearing his head in our air space.

Boo: Six and a half million haters in California voted to strip gays of the right to marry and voters in Arizona and Florida defeated similar amendments. Moreover, 57 percent of voters in Arkansas denied the rights of unmarried couples to adopt, another maneuver to thwart the “gay agenda.”

The campaign supporting California’s Proposition 8, primarily funded by the Mormon Church and other religious institutions, targeted minority groups and the morally conservative and swayed voters through shameful scare tactics. Rather than focusing on the issue as being about human rights, Prop 8 supporters aired commercials that declared that public schools would treat same-sex marriage as normal, thus insinuating that if gays were given the right to marry, all children would magically turn into raging homosexuals (because being gay is really a choice) and the world would erupt into flames. And people actually bought into this bullwocky.

What is infuriating is minority groups choosing to deny the civil rights of another. Does the Mormon Church need to be reminded of its less than sparkling history of matrimonial excess or of its own persecution for its beliefs? And do we need to remind ourselves of our history of de jure racial segregation (removed by law beginning only in the 1950s), anti-miscsegenation a.k.a. ban on interracial marriage (repealed only in 1967), and women’s suffrage (granted only in 1920)?

Ignorance and bigotry are never - and should never be - in fashion.

Boo: And if that weren’t depressing enough, a) the US economy is in the shitter and we taxpayers will be inheriting the disaster of our failed financial institutions; b) the US auto industry is on the brink of bankruptcy and yet when the CEOs came to Congress to plead for a financial bailout, they arrived on expensive fancy private jets; c) global warming and climate change haven’t disappeared just because gas prices fell below $3 a gallon; d) the government’s idea of a solution to meet our energy needs is to sell oil and gas leases on 500 square miles of public land in eastern Utah; e) despite the economic downturn holiday consumerism is still rampant and perilous for retail workers; f) and oh yeah, hunger, disease, violence, illiteracy, and poverty still exist in the world.

Side note: One of the most important articles I’ve read recently is Michael Pollan’s open letter to the next “Farmer in Chief,” urging the next President-elect to prioritize the reform of America’s food system. The major point Pollan makes is that we cannot solve the three major crises that we currently face – national security, health care, and global warming – without recognizing the role food policy makes in contributing to them and the necessity of overhauling the system. I hope Barack is paying attention to this. Read the full article here.

Stepping off my soap box and moving on to the lighter side of life:

Yay: Because no blog post would be complete without some Ultimate-related tidbit, the Fighting Carrots, my clique team, made it to the finals in B league.

Boo: And lost. Another season as the bridesmaid and not the bride.

Yay: Some homies and I are going to New Zealand for 2.5 weeks in April!

Boo: April is a long five months away.

Yay?/Boo?: I will be a teaching assistant for a seven-week course on cost-benefit analysis starting in mid-January at CMU’s DC campus. I was offered the position based on a recommendation from the professor who will be teaching the class. I get the feeling that I'll be getting far more than what I bargained for with this one.

Yay: Thanksgiving came, and with it brought good food, good company, a week of leftovers, and many things and people to be grateful for, including readers of this blog!

New! And Better than Ever!

As you can tell, I've fallen off the blog wagon recently. I apologize to all of my adoring fans for my long virtual absence.

Much has happened since my last entry in September. First, I have spent a great deal of time this year consumed by all things Ultimate, namely practicing, playing tournaments, strategizing, reading articles on The Huddle, doing visualization exercises (yes, really), experimenting with energy drinks (and getting Hammered), subjecting my fragile body to harsh elements (cold, heat, divots, treadmills...), and so on. Describing my relationship with Ultimate as an obsession would be an understatement. While none of what I’m saying may be new or surprising to you, I am in fact surprised by my own dedication to the sport. I stopped playing club in early 2005 and eventually got used to spending my time on other seemingly more important matters like work, school, eating, sleeping, and generally, being fat and boring. The idea of devoting 6+ hours to practice each week, spending whole weekends away at tournaments, and conditioning outside of practices was preposterous - even to me. But the next thing I knew, before I had even lain a single cleat on grass, I was sucked back into the abyss that is Ultimate.

Overall, Big Red Death Machine (BRDM) had a good season. We went into Regionals seeded 7th and came out taking 5th place – our best finish yet. We lost our first game on Saturday, and faced with the threat of an early exit in a double elimination format, we won the three games necessary to advance to the second day (a historic first for BRDM). We lost our first game on Sunday against 2nd seeded AMP who went on to qualify for Nationals as the second place team out of our region. Fifth place is acceptable but hardly satisfying. Now I have to suspend my aspirations of becoming a world class donut eating champion in order to work on being a better Ultimate player for 2009. Damn conflicting goals.

In other October happenings, I celebrated another year of my notable existence on earth. According to Father Larry Lorenzoni, “[b]irthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” It is hard to disagree. While it’s not clear if I am any wiser now that I was before, anecdotal evidence reveals that I am, in fact, looking as youthful as ever. Earlier this year, my brother-in-law Nathaniel gave my sister, Ella, and me a tour of Hillary’s campaign headquarters in Arlington. While showing us around he introduced us to a couple of staffers. One of them, a guy in his thirties, upon the introduction exclaimed to us that he was surprised that he hadn’t met me before. I thought it was an odd comment to make but didn’t dwell on it. The next day, the same guy – let’s call him Twinkie-Lipped Bootyflosser (Twinkie for short) – told Nathaniel that he didn’t know that Nathaniel had two daughters. Confused, Nathaniel responded that he didn’t know that he had two daughters either. Somehow Twinkie didn’t catch the “sister-in-law” part of the introduction and mistook me for Nathaniel’s fourteen year old daughter. Fourteen?! I was mortified. What gave him the impression that I was 14? I hope it wasn’t the Hannah Montana purse I was carrying. This incident occurred not long after I was cooed at over the phone by yet another male in his thirties who thought I was Ella (who was five years old at the time). Yay, age-defying Asian genes?

In October, I also reached the one year mark at my job, which was no small feat for someone who, in the past five years, hadn't been able to stay put in once place for longer than twelve months. Sadly, I have little more to show for this achievement than mild carpel tunnel and major flat-butt syndrome and a burgeoning affinity for happy hours and other escapist activities.

Occasionally, the daily monotony of my job is punctuated by thrilling virtual run-ins with whack jobs. One noteworthy example occurred about two months ago. My client asked me to investigate whether a certain website was falsely advertising products with a certain government label. Upon reviewing the website, I determined that this website was indeed misusing the label. I found contact information for the site owner and sent an email to bring this issue to his attention. The first e-mail response I received was vague in addressing my questions but cordial. It was as follows:

Greetings, Ms.Chang.

To get the information you seek, I would imagine you might want to look at the web sites of the original manufacturers like,XXX YYYY, ZZZZ, [names omitted] and the other companies that make the units we use.
As always. Any questions, Any Time.
JDVII

Then before I could respond, JDVII’s medication must have wore off, and in what appeared to be a fit of drunken rage, he sent me this e-mail in the wee hours of the morning:

" I am writing on behalf of the XXXX Agency" [he was quoting from my email; name of agency omitted]

My attorneys have asked in passing what your authority was for such bold statements without the proper research . and I though I would like also to understand so I thought, I would ask -------as you see..... WBN works for the Interior Dept. and I am quite sure someone from " REAL THE XXXXX AGENCY" would have said something before the delivery of all the units the government Bought """""" Don't YA THINK ?

F.Y.I. I AM WAY TO BUSY TO _ _ _ _ WITH YOU. AND YOUR COMPANY HAS NOTHING WE COULD EVER WANT OR NEED.

QUESTIONS?. USE THE PHONE .
WE HAVE MANY NUMBERS USE ONE OF THEM.

OR RESPOND ON COMPANY LETTERHEAD TO WBN-LEGAL AT XXXXX [e-mail address deleted to protect the identity of the insane]

[deleted contact information including a list of six website addresses]

[signed,]
Prof.Dr.J.D.Vxxxxx II Phys.Sci.D.
[Um, “Professor Doctor”?]

P.S.S. You don't know me how dare you address me by my first name!!!!!!!!!

[I had rudely addressed him as James. And he apparently felt compelled to use nine exclamation marks to make his point.]

I forwarded these emails to my manager and to my client. My client decided that she would try emailing him directly. His email response to her was the following:

The products listed with the XXXX logo, as I told Chang are the labels that the major manufactures already have for the units made for the USA some of the them made in the USA.

Sorry for Ms Chang's confusion and the misinformation you where given..

All units on all my sites have been and will continue to be correctly listed.

ALSO as I also told Chang, if there was a problem with those listings, the government agencies that have been buying them would have said something 2 years ago. I would Think.
JDVII

P.S.
Please also remit to this office signed authority by the U.S.
government. that allows XXXXX [I deleted my company name] any governmental authority!

THE statement" we do not have a record of your company being an XXXX Partner or any of these models as XXXX qualified ". This Came from Chang with out any normal investigative research and as my virus protection says: is a SPAM email that has wasted enough of both of our times.
All models so listed are correctly listed.

FYI.
Most of the other Consortium Members that have units on my sites are XXXX Partners, XXXX, YYYY, ZZZZ [names omitted] as well as other MAJOR USA Manufactures that make my units.

SO TO ANSWER YOUR EMAIL NOTHING TO FOLLOW UP. CHANG IS NOT VERY EFFICIENT.

Where do I begin to comment on the absurdity of these emails? I was as annoyed by the unintelligible slander as I was appalled by Professor Doctor James D Vxxxxx II Phys Sci D’s assault on the English language, which was exacerbated by his apparent disdain for spell checker and his haphazard use of the caps lock and shift keys - though these flaws are probably the least of his problems. Don’t YA THINK?

My job is *so* *totally* *awesome.*

That about sums up the months of September and October. Stay tuned for a recap of November.

Don't Picture Your Dad in This

When my clock radio alarm went off this morning, I awoke to morning talk show chatter about man thongs. Not the kind of thongs that you slip on your feet, mind you. The other kind.

While still in a sleepy, discombobulated state, I lay in bed listening to male callers praising the benefits of wearing a thong (and yes, they were straight). These benefits include, but are not limited to, the following: 1) reduced excessive sweating; 2) improved circulation compared to wearing briefs; 3) they are, of course, sexy, sexy, sexy.

After leaving the house, but still intrigued by the concept, I googled "thongs for men" to see what I would find. I probably should not have done this while at work but curiosity trumped good judgment.

The number of results that turned up was impressive. I only clicked on one site - internationaljock.com - and was fascinated to see the vast array of styles and colors in which these male thongs are shown and the hefty price tags that go with them.

Take the California Muscle Teaser Thong (in cherry), for example:

"California Muscle’s sexy Teaser thong leaves little to the imagination. The contoured pouch includes a hidden c-ring inside that lifts your boys up and forward for an enhanced male bulge. Made from a soft, stretchy, quick-drying blend of 85% cotton and 15% lycra for a comfortable stretch that hugs your body. This erotic posing strap can be worn as underwear, in the bedroom or (if you’re the adventurous type) at the beach or by the pool. Elastic waistband, single ply front pouch. Made in the U.S.A."

I'm much less bothered by men wearing these pretty, skimpy things than by their price tags. Would you really pay $40+ for a piece of string and a small patch of cotton loin cloth? You might as well go commando and use that wad of cash for something more worthwhile. Like buying me dinner.

I'm amused by the fact that women now wear boy shorts and men are wearing shimmery cherry-colored thongs. I'm all for defying social norms in the undergarment-wearing context. But I'm left to wonder, what could possibly be next?

My latest greatest idea is to make underwear that have snaps on the sides, so pulling them up or down the legs is unnecessary. This would be especially useful when you are somehow already wearing shoes but not pants (unless they're snap-offs too) and need to put on a fresh new pair of undies. I'm sure you can think of at least a few more scenarios in which snap off underwear would be convenient. Who's with me here??

The Bicycle Thief Rides Again

To break up the monotony of the multi-part series about my past life as a service volunteer in the South, I have invited former - and perhaps soon to be regular - guest blogger, Grandma D, to share another titillating story with y'all. Enjoy!

=======================================================

My tale of failed bicycle thievery was so enthralling, that I’ve been asked to do another guest blog. While seemingly unrelated, both entries reveal unpredicted perils of my seemingly safe job as a grad student. Below are the contents of an email I received last week. I have removed any identifying information.

Subject: IMPORTANT PLEASE READ

Hi Grandma D,

I might be having the wrong Grandma D so disregard this if it does not pertain to you. A woman to what I believe said she lives in (state). She called early today to ask if we had a Grandma D who was associated with (Grandma D's academic program) here at (Grandma D's University). Of course no information was revealed to her but she informed us of the following: Her name was (her name) and that you (supposedly) were spreading rumors about her that she was a child molester and other hurtful things. Also that her computer was being hacked and that she was being billed for many things she did not purchase or use. She then stated that she was also a scientist so she knew that there were RF waves or MRI wave being sent through to her apartment to conduct a potential experiment which was giving her a head ache. She says she has bought equipment to test to see if her thoughts were true which she said that she was. She informed me that she has informed the police and the FBI. I was just letting you know the conversation so once again if this information does not pertain to you please disregard.

Thank you for your time,
(third name)
Office Assistant
(another academic program)

--END--

According to a prominent psychiatrist, this is probably nothing to worry about unless she contacts me directly.

My Life Circa 2004 - Part 3

Sent February 19, 2004:

Hello!

It has been a while since I last kept in touch, so I wanted to send an update. I am currently in Miami, FL where my team has been for the past four weeks assisting low-income families file their 2003 federal tax returns. In addition to doing taxes, my team has also been volunteering at the Miami Children's Hospital three nights a week as bedside buddies, which involves pushing carts of toys and games from room to room and playing with kids who are unable to leave their beds.

Tax work here has been slow, mostly because most people hadn't received their W-2 forms until recently. The team, divided into pairs, works at five different locations throughout the city during the week and on Saturdays. Having never filed a single tax return of my own, helping someone else with theirs is a bit daunting. You're never sure if you could've gotten someone a bigger refund or if you even did the return correctly. Having the taxpayer sign a release form that "remises, releases, acquits, satisfies, waives, indemnifies, holds harmless, exonerates and forever discharges" us from "any and all claims, demands, accounts, sums of money, torts, trespasses, expenses, ...which may have as a result of personal injury or damage to or loss of property while receiving" our tax services is only a slight relief in the sense that I know I can't be sued for screwing up, but it still wouldn't alleviate the guilt. Aside from that, what makes this experience worth it is in seeing the lit up faces of taxpayers when they're told that they will be receiving a much needed four or five thousand dollar refund.

During the day when we're not providing tax assistance, which is often, we pass the time by contemplating our navels or planning our life after Americorps. I've done much of both, and as of right now, I'm keeping all options open about where I'll be or what I'll be doing after July 1st. In other words, I don't have a job and need one.

My team leaves Miami this Saturday to return to Charleston for a few days before we begin our next project next week. We have been assigned to High Point, North Carolina for an education project. We will be tutoring at four elementary schools during the day and running an after school program at a local Boys and Girls Club which is also where we'll be staying.

In other news, I'm delighted to report that I managed to take some days off from Americorps to go to Hawaii for the Kaimana Klassik XVII Ultimate Frisbee tournament this past weekend. It was wonderful seeing Whiptail alums Merritt, Cara, Lin, Marta, Andra, and Brynne, and in Hawaii no less! We played ultimate against a gorgeous backdrop of green mountains and camped by a beach of white sands and clear blue water. I had a terrific time. All I have left to say about Whiptail reunions is that I like it, I love it, and I want more of it!

Blogger's note: After four years since the last non-Millyfest Whiptail reunion, the alums are once again discussing the prospect of forming an alum team for a tournament in 2009. Finally!

My Life Circa 2003 - Part 2

Sent November 18, 2003:

Hello all,

I'm back in Charleston, having returned from my project at the Mississippi State Hospital. The project went really well and we accomplished everything that we had set out to do. Over the course of three weeks, my team searched for and excavated over 3,500 headstones that were buried beneath inches (sometimes over a foot) of dirt and grass, and remodeled the outdoor chapel used for funeral services at the cemetery. We filled in sunken graves with new dirt, realigned any headstones that had gone astray, and raked and cleared off unearthed dirt and dead brush around the headstones. For the chapel, we re-shingled the roof, removed and installed new railings, removed old siding and nailed in new siding, and caulked and primed everything for painting.

Blogger's note: While digging, favorite songs to listen to included: Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust," U2's "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For," and Dave Matthew's "Grave Digger" (not to be confused with Kanye's "Gold Digger"). It's strange to think that less than five years ago, I was still toting around a clunky portable CD player and buying CDs at a music store.

We also learned about the hospital and the different types of treatments it provides for its psychiatric patients. Some of my teammates shadowed staff in the forensics and chemical dependency units, and all of us attended sessions on music and art therapy. We also visited the hospital museum which is located in the original building where treatments such as electric shock and hydrotherapy were given to the patients.

We learned that a prominent artist named Walter Anderson whose art exhibit is currently at the Mississippi Museum of Art was once a patient at MSH (they seemed quite proud of that fact). The woman who gave us a tour of the campus was also proud to tell us that several movies have been filmed at campus including "A Time to Kill" (starring Matthew McConaughey, Sandra Bullock, and Morgan Freeman).

Blogger's note: According to Wikipedia, Walter Anderson often plotted elaborate escapes from the various mental hospitals at which he was a patient. "During one of several escapes from the Mississippi State Hospital, he lowered himself on bedsheets from a second-story window, leaving the brick walls festooned with drawings of birds in flight, done in soap."

While we didn't have much opportunity to work with living patients, we did interact with a few patients in the dining hall where we ate our meals. One patient took a particular liking to our group and he often spoke to us during lunch. I didn't know that he was a patient at first because he often ate in the dining hall designated for hospital employees.

Blogger's note: I'll admit it, I thought this dude was sketchy from the very beginning. But it being my first foray into the Deep South, I tried to keep an open mind. Still, it was difficult for me not to take offense when he said, "No, where are you really from?" after I had replied, "New York," the first time he asked the question. I also tried not to feel uncomfortable by his open disdain of the "Northern aggression" (in referring to the Civil War). What probably should have tipped us off was his conviction of the existence of buried treasure on the hospital grounds.

After our second interaction with him, I finally noticed the green bracelet on his wrist. The color green meant that the patient had reached the highest level of privileges, allowing him to walk around campus without supervision. This e-mail would get too long if I went on to talk about all the kinds of advice he tried to give the women on our team.

Blogger's note: One of the relationship tips he dispensed was how to gauge a potential suitor's worthiness. We should only marry a man if he expresses concern for our spiritual well-being, and to find out if he does, we must ask him, "Do you care about my spiritual well-being?" So readers, don't forget to include that little criteria in your quest for true love.

The city of Jackson does not offer much for its tourists. Save a few museums and the governor's mansion, there wasn't a whole lot to see or do downtown. So instead of hanging out in Jackson on the weekends, we took off for Vicksburg one weekend for a driving tour of a civil war park consisting of monuments dedicated to all the battalions that fought in the war. The 16-mile tour only reminded us of our cemetery back at MSH so we quickly found a short cut out of the park and went exploring elsewhere. We spent the second weekend in New Orleans and stayed at a teammate's house in Slidell. After a raucous night of partying on Bourbon Street on Saturday, we did an independent service project at a local convenant house the next day, washing windows and sanding down railings to prepare for a new coat of paint.

On our way back to Charleston at the end of last week, we made a stop in Atlanta, GA for half a day. I visited the High Folk Art and Photography gallery for a photo exhibit of Aperture at 50: Past Forward. I also took a CNN studio tour at their headquarters which, quite frankly, sucked.

Blogger's note: In the original e-mail, I had written a more detailed description of the CNN tour but after reading it now, I decided that "sucked" would suffice.

Tomorrow, we'll begin our second project at Mepkin Abbey in Moncks Corner, SC, home to Trappist monks. The project is short - only 6 working days. We'll be helping out in their library and botanical garden. I hear the abbey is beautiful and am excited to take a break from digging.

Blogger's note: Mepkin Abbey, as recently as 2007, stirred some controversy when PETA released a video showing the abbey's egg farming operations that involved de-beaking hens and forced molting practices.

And more news! We recently were told about our third project, which is to begin right after Thanksgiving weekend and to continue after our winter break until near the end of February. My team will be heading down to Miami, Florida to help the Hispanic and Creole communities of the city file their taxes. For about two weeks (Dec. 1-12) we will receive training on how exactly to do someone's taxes (good practical skill to learn for the future) and then when we come back after winter break, we'll begin the actual work. We'll be living in a hotel (we're going to be so spoiled!) and my team will be working in pairs in different communities/neighborhoods in the city.

I want to start learning some Spanish, so if any of you have recommendations for specific teach-yourself-Spanish books/CDs please let me know, or if you want to email me some essential Spanish vocab/phrases, feel free to do so.

Blogger's note: I purchased one of those teach-yourself-Spanish book and CD sets only to learn that the community to which I was assigned (Model City, aka Liberty City) was predominantly African American. The only Spanish I've picked up between 2003 and now was when my family took a vacation to Mexico in 2004 and I learned to say, "Por favor, donde esta el bano? Gracias!" ("Please, where is the bathroom? Thank you!")

Stayed tuned for Part 3.

My Life Circa 2003 - Part 1

It's near the end of August and I have neglected to post on this blog until now in part due to the busy club ultimate season. I'm also very boring and don't have exciting things to report now that I work a desk job. So rather than write new material, I'm resurrecting the past. I will share, in a 4-part series, e-mail updates I sent to friends and family during my AmeriCorps days that chronicled the service projects I worked on from 2003 to 2004 (back when I was bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and a little more interesting).

Aside from some minor editing, the content is the original.

Sent October 25, 2003:

Hi all!

I just finished my first month here in Charleston. It feels like I've been here for a lot longer than a month but at the same time I'm surprised to see how quickly time has passed. Because what I'm doing is not a typical 9-5pm office job, it feels like I'm on an extended summer break, especially because it's still warm here and I've hit the beach every weekend so far. And with everyone being between the ages of 18 and 24, it feels like college all over again except there's no homework and it's coed, which means I actually interact with males more than once every few months.

My team has worked on several short-term service projects during our month of training. We've dug out water pipes from the ground, built fences for a garden show, sorted donated shoes for Goodwill, tied pink ribbons to mark the course for Race for the Cure (for breast cancer), and worked in a Habitat for Humanity resale store doing everything from reorganizing their bookroom to building shelves and lugging window frames from one end of the warehouse to another.

We've also done some independent service work outside of the program on weekends. So far, my team has directed parking for a rock concert benefiting children with autism and painted rocking chairs for the Ronald McDonald house, which is a charity that provides parents of children who are sick and need long-term treatment at a hospital with nearby housing (a room in the Ronald McDonald house) so they do not need to travel far to be with their children.

We also helped an animal rescue organization called the Keeper of the Wild, which is really run by one woman (aka the Keeper) who cares for injured and sick wild raccoons, prairie dogs, squirrels, foxes, possums, and skunks. She has a 15 year-old squirrel as a pet. Squirrels in the wild generally live up to only 2 or 3 years but if kept in captivity can live up to 18 years. This geriatric squirrel was so old he had lost over 50% of his fur and was completely toothless and wrinkled. (Think Grandpa without his clothes on). JSo- even YOU wouldn't want to keep this little guy as a pet!

While doing yardwork at Keeper of the Wild, we encountered a copperhead snake that slithered into our work area within a few feet of us. It didn't seem like a big deal until I was told that it was poisonous and in pounce mode (whoa!). We notified the Keeper who nonchalantly, while talking on her cellphone, took one of our shovels, flung the snake into an open space away from us, and basically ripped it into pieces. It was mesmerizing to watch. That snake, as vicious as it had seemed to the rest of us, didn't have a chance against the Keeper!

We recently were briefed about two of our future long-term spike projects that will take place between the end of October (next week) and Thanksgiving. For the first project, which will be 3 weeks long, we will be in Jackson, Mississippi working in a psychiatric ward of the Mississippi State Hospital. We were told that this mental hospital is one of the largest in the United States. Our primary project, however, does not entirely involve working with live patients. Instead, we will be working in a graveyard that contains about 4,000 corpses of psychiatric patients dating back to the 1930s. Due to the stigma of mental illness, none of these patients were given a proper burial. Many but not all have only small markers to indicate their approximate location. We'll be working with hospital staff and archaeologists to locate the bodies and help prepare the pouring of the headstones for them. Besides this job, we'll also be doing carpentry work of repairing a chapel on the hospital grounds and spending time with the patients (all senior citizens) at the psychiatric ward. We leave for this project next Monday!

Our second project will be back in Charleston and we'll be working with monks at a local abbey. Our project will involve mostly gardening work and carpentry. We have been invited to join the monks for a silent meal as most of them have taken a vow of silence, which will be interesting.

End of Part 1.

Notes: Back in the stone age of 2003, none of us owned digital cameras. The next time I go home, I'll try to scan some to post (there are some real gems in my photo collection).

Why I love the Aussies and the Kiwis

Reasons #219 and #305

"A man in New Zealand has been charged with using a hedgehog as a weapon, the New Zealand Herald has reported. Police said William Singalargh, 27, had hurled the hedgehog about 5m (16ft) at a 15-year-old boy. ...It was unclear whether the hedgehog was still alive when it was thrown, though it was dead when collected as evidence." - BBC News, April 7, 2008 (courtesy of Lesley)

Go to the article to get the full story.

"A family court judge in New Zealand has had enough with parents giving their children bizarre names. So he did something about it. Just ask Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii. He had her renamed. Judge Rob Murfitt made the 9-year-old girl a ward of the court so that her name could be changed. The new name was not made public to protect the girl's privacy. 'The court is profoundly concerned about the very poor judgment which this child's parents have shown in choosing this name,' he wrote. 'It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap, unnecessarily.' " - Express, July 25, 2008

Who needs an imagination when you have the Express reporting gems like this?

Thank you, Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii, for bringing joy to my Friday.

On the Road

While millions of Americans are performing their patriotic duty of firing up their grills and throwing back a beer (or six) in their backyards, I am sitting on a New York-bound Bolt Bus, eating a bag of Sun chips and blogging with free wi-fi.

For $5.50 more than a round-trip Chinatown bus ticket, I get internet, an electrical outlet, pleather seats that actually recline, and a two-seater all to myself. Moreover, the bus left on time, there are no stops in Baltimore, and I didn't have to break out my nun-chucks to battle for a seat. (The typical Chinatown bus experience, especially over holiday weekends, is that no seat is guaranteed even if you book online in advance. Sometimes I have no choice but to get all Chuck Norris on people just so I don't get left behind.)

This past week I started running for the first time since I injured by ankle on June 1st. The swelling hasn't fully gone away and it still feels sore and achy, but I felt that it was time to start working out again. I am miserably out of shape. While jogging on the treadmill yesterday, I could hear my ankle crackle and pop like a bowl of rice krispies.

To add insult to injury, I also had to deal with a bout of illness a couple of weeks ago. Ever since I moved back to DC and have been living with my family, I've been getting sick - a lot. And whom do I hold responsible for these ailments? A young, active, germ magnet of smurf-like stature named Ella. When Ella comes home from school, she brings back with her more than just some arts & crafts project she made that day. I managed to escape the last round of pink eye and strep throat, but I didn't get so lucky with the hand, foot, and mouth disease. It sounds a little repulsive, I know, but it mostly felt like I had the flu with the added bonus of a light rash on my hands and feet and one or two canker-like sores in my mouth that disappeared after a few days.

I have developed this theory that there is a negative correlation between the size of a potential carrier of disease and the deadliness of the disease to humans. In other words, the smaller the carrier, the more lethal the disease it carries and vice-versa. In support of this theory, I have the following examples as evidence:

1. When have you heard of a very large animal such as a polar bear or humpback whale causing pandemics? Being eaten by a shark doesn't count.

2. Some medium sized animals can transmit disease to humans but cases are rare and not widespread (so far). Example: Cows and Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy (BSE), commonly known as mad-cow disease. Maybe the next time you're at the grocery store, instead of asking, "Where the beef?" you may want to inquire about tofu instead.

3. Animals that fall in the "small" category can pose relatively medium to high risk to humans. Example: birds and avian flu. You can also put small human children in this category.

4. Super small beasts = super deadly. Example: mosquitoes that spread malaria and itching. Those little buzzards can raise a lot of hell for humans.

I think I have just made a very compelling argument for my theory, don't you think?

Judging by the content of the last dozen or so entries, I should just rename this blog "A Chronicle of Boo's Afflictions, Dysfunctions, and Postulations." Actually I just did.

RICEing like a Good Asian

Every week I come up with all sorts of things to blog about, but 99% of those ideas inevitably travel out of my head and over to la la land, never to surface again. What you see on this blog is the remaining 1%: a medley of randomness. This entry is no different.

The process of blogging for me is akin to running a marathon in a bear suit with a sack of bricks attached to my ass. That is to say, slow and painful but with an occasional sprinkle of amusements to myself and others.

On the topic of slow and painful, a few days after I sprained my ankle, I made an appointment to see a doctor and take an x-ray. The morning before the appointment, I hobbled past the reception desk at my office. The receptionist noticed my limp and asked what had happened to my foot. When I told her about rolling it while playing Ultimate, she responded by saying, "I have a friend whose daughter sprained her ankle. She went to the hospital to get it checked out. She developed a blood clot from the sprain. And died."

Well, that pretty much killed the conversation. In addition to hoping that it was not a break or fracture, I added to my list of desired outcomes: not die.

Fortunately, my injury was a sprain and not a break or fracture. In addition to the usual RICE (Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation) treatment, my doctor wrapped my ankle and prescribed 60 tablets of 600mg ibuprofen before sending me on my way. When I picked up my medication from the pharmacy, I almost asked the guy behind the counter if he had made a mistake by giving me pills meant for a horse.

One of these tablets can substitute for a whole meal.

My ankle injury has forced me to stop playing Ultimate and disengage from most forms of physical activity. The most physical effort I've exerted in the last couple of weeks was to scurry across the street in a deformed and panicked fashion to avoid getting hit by oncoming traffic.

In addition to my awkward gait, all this inactivity has had an inflating effect on my paunch. Here's a picture of me current as of today:

I really need to get better soon.

Happy Birthday, Blog!

While deeply enmeshed in a seemingly futile research task for work, I suddenly realized that two years ago today, I published the first post on this infamous blog to herald my foray into grad school in Australia. This is quite the milestone for me, so of course I dropped everything I was doing in order to inform my readership of three of this happiness.

So a big YAY for the blog whose number of name changes rivals the number of entries on it!

And here's hoping to many more birthdays!