From the time of my last post to mid-September, I was busy applying and interviewing for jobs, which felt like a full-time job in of itself. I won't go into the nitty gritty of the process, but I will impart a few helpful interview "don'ts" for future reference:
1. Don't look like a deer caught in headlights, wild-eyed and panicked, on the question of "Why do you want to work for us?" And look interested when you're asked if the work they want you to do sounds interesting even if it makes you want to gouge your eyes out with a blunt pencil.
2. When talking about your qualifications and previous work experience, don't bring up an example that you can't remember in its entirety. For instance --
Interviewer: Describe your grad school course curriculum.
Job Applicant: One of the more interesting courses I took in grad school was cost-benefit analysis. For our final report, we applied the principles we learned to a real world case study. Uh... the case study was a transportation example... uh, about a bus line... in Seattle... um, no... I think it was Colorado... or was it Dallas? And... yeah, we did a cost-benefit analysis on whether to keep the bus line running.
Interviewer: Are you familiar with using spreadsheets and Excel?
Job Applicant: Oh yes! We used Excel quite a bit in our classes, and have you heard of Crystal Ball*? We used that in one of our classes. (*C.B. is an Excel add-in that allows you to perform risk analysis and forecasting)
Interviewer: Actually, we are very familiar with Crystal Ball. What did you do in Crystal Ball?
Job Applicant: Ah, well... (mind goes blank)... we ran, uh, monte carlo analysis, and lots of simulations. And, uh, I remember having to click on a lot of buttons and watch big graphs show up on the screen.
Believe it or not, they were impressed by this.
3. When asked to talk about the current book you're reading, do not say Philip Roth's "Portnoy's Complaint" even if Roth is one of American's great writers. If you are unfamiliar with this book and need further explanation, here's an excerpt, but be forewarned of objectionable and explicit content to follow.
"Into whose hole, into what sort of hole, I deposited my final load is entirely a matter for conjecture. It could be that in the end I wound up fucking some dank, odoriferous combination of sopping Italian pubic hair, greasy American buttock and absolutely rank bedsheet." (p. 138)
How many times can I say *not* appropriate in a job interview??
So despite all of the interviewing faux-pas I committed along the way, potential employers still actually wanted to hire me. I received three official job offers, one from government and two from the private sector. After much deliberation, I decided not to do the PMF program. I have instead accepted an offer at a consulting firm working on energy efficiency-related projects in downtown DC. It was a difficult decision in many ways, but hopefully the right one for me.
I start my new job this coming Monday. A full-time job with benefits. Crazy. I fought this day for as long as I could but I suppose it's about time that I try being a grown-up. I'm going to give this whole "adulthood" business a year and see how I like it. So for now, good-bye, idle days and hello, working world!
In other news--
I played in Sectionals a few weeks ago and Regionals last weekend up in Massachusetts with The Whole Damn Bus, a combination of alums and current Whiptails, and boy, was that the best time ever! I don't think I've laughed so hard and been so giddy with happiness in a long time. My birthday coincided with Regionals weekend, so I was able to spend it with some of my favorite people in the world.
Yesterday, I underwent oral surgery to remove three wisdom teeth. From taking naps on the couch, drooling excessively and involuntarily on pillows, getting my body pumped full of painkillers, and being only allowed to slurp jello for nourishment, I pretty much have a good idea of what life will be like for me sixty years from now. Yay, old age.
And now you're all caught up.
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