For Halloween this year, I decided that I was going to be a chick magnet (i.e. pictures of hot women and baby chickens stuck onto a black outfit). It was my second choice costume; my first was a two-person horse, but Indhu refused to be the back half. Party pooper.
Speaking of parties, the party that I was invited to was this past Saturday night. Earlier that day, I began to piece my costume together. While my family was out having lunch with some friends, I found some trashy gossip magazines around the house, printed out some pictures of baby chickens off the internet, grabbed some of my niece's art supplies, and went to work on the kitchen table.
I first cut out pictures of celerity women and then colored in the black and white baby chick pictures with some of Ella's yellow crayons and color pencils. As I started to cut out the baby chick images, I heard the front door open. I had only expected my brother-in-law to come home after lunch but I heard unfamiliar voices trailing behind him.
He walked into the kitchen followed by four people I had not met before. Already embarrassed that I was still in my pajamas, I shyly said hello. They smiled at me and glanced at the kitchen table at what I was doing. As discreetly as I could, I started to sweep the pictures of scantily clad women underneath a pile of magazines with my hand. I figured that the baby chickens looked a lot less scandalous, so I took my pair of scissors and continued to cut those images out while they stood in the kitchen for a tour of the house.
As the tour progressed out into the backyard, one of the guests, an older woman in her sixties, who was the last to head outside, stopped near the table. In an attempt to seem friendly and engage me in conversation she asked, "Are you doing your homework?"
My homework? Do I look like I'm six years old, lady? Granted I had crayons, glue sticks, and pictures of chickens strewn on the table, but still. At that moment, I didn't know which was more mortifying -- the fact that this person thought I was decades younger than I was or the fact that I was caught coloring, an activity more common and acceptable for persons under the age of 10.
It didn't seem any better to explain that I was making a "chick magnet" for my Halloween costume either. This was one of those situations from which I could not extricate myself without some embarrassment on my part, the other party's, or both.
But in the end it was all worth it because hot chicks like Angie and J.Lo were all over me at the party. They must have been drawn to my magnetic personality and irresistible charm. Was it one sexy night, you ask? You bet it was. Just ask your mom.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Boo, the Working Stiff
Note the new title of my blog. I'm not bitter. Really.
Because what I am now is a productive member of society and that is because I sit at a desk in my respectable business clothes in a windowless office for nine consecutive hours a day from Monday through Friday and chat on Gmail.
Aside from the intermittent online socializing throughout the day, I do actually work. During my first week, I spent most of it completing several mandatory on-line trainings that included a 2.5 hour sexual harassment awareness training (I almost left out the "harassment" part when I wrote that) and attending meetings. But since then I've been assigned a few projects to keep me busy. My tasks include designing name tags and binder covers, ordering supplies, drafting up work plan documents, and doing online research on emerging lighting technologies. So far this job feels like a glorified internship; I've done similar work in the past as an intern but now I get paid a lot more for it! Hey, I ain't complaining.
The people in the office seem friendly enough, the ones that don't turn their head away and avert eye contact as you pass them in the hall are anyway. I suspect my officemate is a workaholic (even though he adamantly denies it) like many others in this office. People are there when I show up at 9 and they're still at their desks when I head out the door at 6 or later. The other day I asked a couple of my co-workers if they ever leave their offices or if they have a cot and sleeping bag tucked away under their desks. They just laughed and said I'd get used to it. I think I'm in a lot of trouble.
Because what I am now is a productive member of society and that is because I sit at a desk in my respectable business clothes in a windowless office for nine consecutive hours a day from Monday through Friday and chat on Gmail.
Aside from the intermittent online socializing throughout the day, I do actually work. During my first week, I spent most of it completing several mandatory on-line trainings that included a 2.5 hour sexual harassment awareness training (I almost left out the "harassment" part when I wrote that) and attending meetings. But since then I've been assigned a few projects to keep me busy. My tasks include designing name tags and binder covers, ordering supplies, drafting up work plan documents, and doing online research on emerging lighting technologies. So far this job feels like a glorified internship; I've done similar work in the past as an intern but now I get paid a lot more for it! Hey, I ain't complaining.
The people in the office seem friendly enough, the ones that don't turn their head away and avert eye contact as you pass them in the hall are anyway. I suspect my officemate is a workaholic (even though he adamantly denies it) like many others in this office. People are there when I show up at 9 and they're still at their desks when I head out the door at 6 or later. The other day I asked a couple of my co-workers if they ever leave their offices or if they have a cot and sleeping bag tucked away under their desks. They just laughed and said I'd get used to it. I think I'm in a lot of trouble.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
What happened to September?
I somehow missed blogging for the entire month of September! Where did the time go?
From the time of my last post to mid-September, I was busy applying and interviewing for jobs, which felt like a full-time job in of itself. I won't go into the nitty gritty of the process, but I will impart a few helpful interview "don'ts" for future reference:
1. Don't look like a deer caught in headlights, wild-eyed and panicked, on the question of "Why do you want to work for us?" And look interested when you're asked if the work they want you to do sounds interesting even if it makes you want to gouge your eyes out with a blunt pencil.
2. When talking about your qualifications and previous work experience, don't bring up an example that you can't remember in its entirety. For instance --
Interviewer: Describe your grad school course curriculum.
Job Applicant: One of the more interesting courses I took in grad school was cost-benefit analysis. For our final report, we applied the principles we learned to a real world case study. Uh... the case study was a transportation example... uh, about a bus line... in Seattle... um, no... I think it was Colorado... or was it Dallas? And... yeah, we did a cost-benefit analysis on whether to keep the bus line running.
Interviewer: Are you familiar with using spreadsheets and Excel?
Job Applicant: Oh yes! We used Excel quite a bit in our classes, and have you heard of Crystal Ball*? We used that in one of our classes. (*C.B. is an Excel add-in that allows you to perform risk analysis and forecasting)
Interviewer: Actually, we are very familiar with Crystal Ball. What did you do in Crystal Ball?
Job Applicant: Ah, well... (mind goes blank)... we ran, uh, monte carlo analysis, and lots of simulations. And, uh, I remember having to click on a lot of buttons and watch big graphs show up on the screen.
Believe it or not, they were impressed by this.
3. When asked to talk about the current book you're reading, do not say Philip Roth's "Portnoy's Complaint" even if Roth is one of American's great writers. If you are unfamiliar with this book and need further explanation, here's an excerpt, but be forewarned of objectionable and explicit content to follow.
How many times can I say *not* appropriate in a job interview??
So despite all of the interviewing faux-pas I committed along the way, potential employers still actually wanted to hire me. I received three official job offers, one from government and two from the private sector. After much deliberation, I decided not to do the PMF program. I have instead accepted an offer at a consulting firm working on energy efficiency-related projects in downtown DC. It was a difficult decision in many ways, but hopefully the right one for me.
I start my new job this coming Monday. A full-time job with benefits. Crazy. I fought this day for as long as I could but I suppose it's about time that I try being a grown-up. I'm going to give this whole "adulthood" business a year and see how I like it. So for now, good-bye, idle days and hello, working world!
In other news--
I played in Sectionals a few weeks ago and Regionals last weekend up in Massachusetts with The Whole Damn Bus, a combination of alums and current Whiptails, and boy, was that the best time ever! I don't think I've laughed so hard and been so giddy with happiness in a long time. My birthday coincided with Regionals weekend, so I was able to spend it with some of my favorite people in the world.
Yesterday, I underwent oral surgery to remove three wisdom teeth. From taking naps on the couch, drooling excessively and involuntarily on pillows, getting my body pumped full of painkillers, and being only allowed to slurp jello for nourishment, I pretty much have a good idea of what life will be like for me sixty years from now. Yay, old age.
And now you're all caught up.
From the time of my last post to mid-September, I was busy applying and interviewing for jobs, which felt like a full-time job in of itself. I won't go into the nitty gritty of the process, but I will impart a few helpful interview "don'ts" for future reference:
1. Don't look like a deer caught in headlights, wild-eyed and panicked, on the question of "Why do you want to work for us?" And look interested when you're asked if the work they want you to do sounds interesting even if it makes you want to gouge your eyes out with a blunt pencil.
2. When talking about your qualifications and previous work experience, don't bring up an example that you can't remember in its entirety. For instance --
Interviewer: Describe your grad school course curriculum.
Job Applicant: One of the more interesting courses I took in grad school was cost-benefit analysis. For our final report, we applied the principles we learned to a real world case study. Uh... the case study was a transportation example... uh, about a bus line... in Seattle... um, no... I think it was Colorado... or was it Dallas? And... yeah, we did a cost-benefit analysis on whether to keep the bus line running.
Interviewer: Are you familiar with using spreadsheets and Excel?
Job Applicant: Oh yes! We used Excel quite a bit in our classes, and have you heard of Crystal Ball*? We used that in one of our classes. (*C.B. is an Excel add-in that allows you to perform risk analysis and forecasting)
Interviewer: Actually, we are very familiar with Crystal Ball. What did you do in Crystal Ball?
Job Applicant: Ah, well... (mind goes blank)... we ran, uh, monte carlo analysis, and lots of simulations. And, uh, I remember having to click on a lot of buttons and watch big graphs show up on the screen.
Believe it or not, they were impressed by this.
3. When asked to talk about the current book you're reading, do not say Philip Roth's "Portnoy's Complaint" even if Roth is one of American's great writers. If you are unfamiliar with this book and need further explanation, here's an excerpt, but be forewarned of objectionable and explicit content to follow.
"Into whose hole, into what sort of hole, I deposited my final load is entirely a matter for conjecture. It could be that in the end I wound up fucking some dank, odoriferous combination of sopping Italian pubic hair, greasy American buttock and absolutely rank bedsheet." (p. 138)
How many times can I say *not* appropriate in a job interview??
So despite all of the interviewing faux-pas I committed along the way, potential employers still actually wanted to hire me. I received three official job offers, one from government and two from the private sector. After much deliberation, I decided not to do the PMF program. I have instead accepted an offer at a consulting firm working on energy efficiency-related projects in downtown DC. It was a difficult decision in many ways, but hopefully the right one for me.
I start my new job this coming Monday. A full-time job with benefits. Crazy. I fought this day for as long as I could but I suppose it's about time that I try being a grown-up. I'm going to give this whole "adulthood" business a year and see how I like it. So for now, good-bye, idle days and hello, working world!
In other news--
I played in Sectionals a few weeks ago and Regionals last weekend up in Massachusetts with The Whole Damn Bus, a combination of alums and current Whiptails, and boy, was that the best time ever! I don't think I've laughed so hard and been so giddy with happiness in a long time. My birthday coincided with Regionals weekend, so I was able to spend it with some of my favorite people in the world.
Yesterday, I underwent oral surgery to remove three wisdom teeth. From taking naps on the couch, drooling excessively and involuntarily on pillows, getting my body pumped full of painkillers, and being only allowed to slurp jello for nourishment, I pretty much have a good idea of what life will be like for me sixty years from now. Yay, old age.
And now you're all caught up.
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