Much has happened since my last entry in September. First, I have spent a great deal of time this year consumed by all things Ultimate, namely practicing, playing tournaments, strategizing, reading articles on The Huddle, doing visualization exercises (yes, really), experimenting with energy drinks (and getting Hammered), subjecting my fragile body to harsh elements (cold, heat, divots, treadmills...), and so on. Describing my relationship with Ultimate as an obsession would be an understatement. While none of what I’m saying may be new or surprising to you, I am in fact surprised by my own dedication to the sport. I stopped playing club in early 2005 and eventually got used to spending my time on other seemingly more important matters like work, school, eating, sleeping, and generally, being fat and boring. The idea of devoting 6+ hours to practice each week, spending whole weekends away at tournaments, and conditioning outside of practices was preposterous - even to me. But the next thing I knew, before I had even lain a single cleat on grass, I was sucked back into the abyss that is Ultimate.
Overall, Big Red Death Machine (BRDM) had a good season. We went into Regionals seeded 7th and came out taking 5th place – our best finish yet. We lost our first game on Saturday, and faced with the threat of an early exit in a double elimination format, we won the three games necessary to advance to the second day (a historic first for BRDM). We lost our first game on Sunday against 2nd seeded AMP who went on to qualify for Nationals as the second place team out of our region. Fifth place is acceptable but hardly satisfying. Now I have to suspend my aspirations of becoming a world class donut eating champion in order to work on being a better Ultimate player for 2009. Damn conflicting goals.
In other October happenings, I celebrated another year of my notable existence on earth. According to Father Larry Lorenzoni, “[b]irthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” It is hard to disagree. While it’s not clear if I am any wiser now that I was before, anecdotal evidence reveals that I am, in fact, looking as youthful as ever. Earlier this year, my brother-in-law Nathaniel gave my sister, Ella, and me a tour of Hillary’s campaign headquarters in Arlington. While showing us around he introduced us to a couple of staffers. One of them, a guy in his thirties, upon the introduction exclaimed to us that he was surprised that he hadn’t met me before. I thought it was an odd comment to make but didn’t dwell on it. The next day, the same guy – let’s call him Twinkie-Lipped Bootyflosser (Twinkie for short) – told Nathaniel that he didn’t know that Nathaniel had two daughters. Confused, Nathaniel responded that he didn’t know that he had two daughters either. Somehow Twinkie didn’t catch the “sister-in-law” part of the introduction and mistook me for Nathaniel’s fourteen year old daughter. Fourteen?! I was mortified. What gave him the impression that I was 14? I hope it wasn’t the Hannah Montana purse I was carrying. This incident occurred not long after I was cooed at over the phone by yet another male in his thirties who thought I was Ella (who was five years old at the time). Yay, age-defying Asian genes?
In October, I also reached the one year mark at my job, which was no small feat for someone who, in the past five years, hadn't been able to stay put in once place for longer than twelve months. Sadly, I have little more to show for this achievement than mild carpel tunnel and major flat-butt syndrome and a burgeoning affinity for happy hours and other escapist activities.
Occasionally, the daily monotony of my job is punctuated by thrilling virtual run-ins with whack jobs. One noteworthy example occurred about two months ago. My client asked me to investigate whether a certain website was falsely advertising products with a certain government label. Upon reviewing the website, I determined that this website was indeed misusing the label. I found contact information for the site owner and sent an email to bring this issue to his attention. The first e-mail response I received was vague in addressing my questions but cordial. It was as follows:
Then before I could respond, JDVII’s medication must have wore off, and in what appeared to be a fit of drunken rage, he sent me this e-mail in the wee hours of the morning:Greetings, Ms.Chang.
To get the information you seek, I would imagine you might want to look at the web sites of the original manufacturers like,XXX YYYY, ZZZZ, [names omitted] and the other companies that make the units we use.
As always. Any questions, Any Time.
JDVII
I forwarded these emails to my manager and to my client. My client decided that she would try emailing him directly. His email response to her was the following:" I am writing on behalf of the XXXX Agency" [he was quoting from my email; name of agency omitted]
My attorneys have asked in passing what your authority was for such bold statements without the proper research . and I though I would like also to understand so I thought, I would ask -------as you see..... WBN works for the Interior Dept. and I am quite sure someone from " REAL THE XXXXX AGENCY" would have said something before the delivery of all the units the government Bought """""" Don't YA THINK ?
F.Y.I. I AM WAY TO BUSY TO _ _ _ _ WITH YOU. AND YOUR COMPANY HAS NOTHING WE COULD EVER WANT OR NEED.
QUESTIONS?. USE THE PHONE .
WE HAVE MANY NUMBERS USE ONE OF THEM.
OR RESPOND ON COMPANY LETTERHEAD TO WBN-LEGAL AT XXXXX [e-mail address deleted to protect the identity of the insane]
[deleted contact information including a list of six website addresses]
[signed,]
Prof.Dr.J.D.Vxxxxx II Phys.Sci.D.
[Um, “Professor Doctor”?]
P.S.S. You don't know me how dare you address me by my first name!!!!!!!!![I had rudely addressed him as James. And he apparently felt compelled to use nine exclamation marks to make his point.]
Where do I begin to comment on the absurdity of these emails? I was as annoyed by the unintelligible slander as I was appalled by Professor Doctor James D Vxxxxx II Phys Sci D’s assault on the English language, which was exacerbated by his apparent disdain for spell checker and his haphazard use of the caps lock and shift keys - though these flaws are probably the least of his problems. Don’t YA THINK?The products listed with the XXXX logo, as I told Chang are the labels that the major manufactures already have for the units made for the USA some of the them made in the USA.
Sorry for Ms Chang's confusion and the misinformation you where given..
All units on all my sites have been and will continue to be correctly listed.
ALSO as I also told Chang, if there was a problem with those listings, the government agencies that have been buying them would have said something 2 years ago. I would Think.
JDVII
P.S.
Please also remit to this office signed authority by the U.S.
government. that allows XXXXX [I deleted my company name] any governmental authority!THE statement" we do not have a record of your company being an XXXX Partner or any of these models as XXXX qualified ". This Came from Chang with out any normal investigative research and as my virus protection says: is a SPAM email that has wasted enough of both of our times.
All models so listed are correctly listed.
FYI.
Most of the other Consortium Members that have units on my sites are XXXX Partners, XXXX, YYYY, ZZZZ [names omitted] as well as other MAJOR USA Manufactures that make my units.
SO TO ANSWER YOUR EMAIL NOTHING TO FOLLOW UP. CHANG IS NOT VERY EFFICIENT.
My job is *so* *totally* *awesome.*
That about sums up the months of September and October. Stay tuned for a recap of November.
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